Cognitive Dissonance – Why the Struggle

If you asked my parents what I was like as a child they would tell you I had a lot of friends. They would also tell you I had instincts about when someone needed some support, or someone to listen to them. Being one of four children with very different personalities, I was the one who seemed like I was never home and always out galivanting with my friends. Later in life, I learned that I am highly extroverted. I am energized by being around other people. This small but resonant fact helped me to understand myself and much of my behavior. Other experiences also taught me much about myself. Being highly extroverted meant I spent a lot of my time going and doing. I spent less time thinking and reflecting, utilizing my introversion like behaviors. I didn’t find this to be a struggle. What I learned was that I needed to make choices about my behavior; and when it was time to reflect and think, I needed to be intentional and give myself permission to do so. I also learned to really enjoy and value this reflective time.

On September 29^th, 2023, a month following my 60^th birthday, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. What does this have to do with my story? With the arrival of this uncontrollable event, I immediately got advice from my oncologist.  This advice included:

1. Limit the amount of news from the media I take in.
2. Don’t listen to other people’s cancer stories until I was ready.
3. Surround myself with people that lift me up and will support and love me.
4. Place myself first and allow myself all of the time I need to recover strong.

My cancer story is one of luck and success. It was caught early, removed and given very little chance to spread due to chemotherapy and radiation treatments. I don’t wish this journey for anyone. Cancer sucks. No doubt. And like many other troubling event in one’s life, it there were important lessons that are learned as a result, one being how to recognize cognitive dissonance; motivating me to make choices that are good for me while experiencing an internal conflict for and against what I know intuitively is the better choice.

This internal conflict is very real.  It feels like the proverbial angel on one shoulder recommending and advising what is best for me with the proverbial devil on my other shoulder telling me how selfish or unimportant that behavior is for me.  The “angel” will tell me to prioritize the doctor’s advice and put my recovery first.  And congratulate me when I do so.

That little devil doesn’t stay quiet. It tells me others need me.  Meals need to be prepped.  Get up to get to work.  Don’t let others down. The little devil does indeed have a good argument.  Often it aligns with external messages I have absorbed throughout my life.  Its voice can get loud and overtake that small angel on the other shoulder.

My oncologist shared some very simple, yet powerful advice.  Her suggestions were necessary for me to get through my treatments and to recover.  I allowed the angels voice to be heard and I took the doctor’s advice seriously and did not allow any messages that did not prioritize me and my health take over.  I gave the angel on my shoulder my full attention as she supported what was best for me and the messages my oncologist shared.  Over time (and it took time), the internal conflict lessened.  I settled into what I knew with my entire being what was best for me.  I am recovering strong. I am noticing when I struggle. And I am choosing to put myself first to stay physically, emotionally and mentally healthy so I can thrive as a mother, wife, sister, friend and CEO of a global business. According to Oliver Burke, the author of 4000 weeks, I have about 1000 or so more weeks to go. How I spend them really matters to me. I will experience cognitive dissonance daily.  Less and less of it has to do with my physical health as the healthy habits I have developed are becoming just that; habits.  However, almost every day presents some sort of internal conflict. Being aware of this emotional state is leading me to live well.

Fritz Galette

What is Cognitive Dissonance?

Natalie’s experience with cancer illustrates a common life challenge: as we grow, we develop our identity based on personal experiences, events and learnings that shape subsequent beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors. However, when life events—whether expected or unexpected—challenge our self-perception, we often struggle to reconcile how we see ourselves within ingrained beliefs and behaviors that may come into conflict (in Natalie’s case, the challenge is a cancer diagnosis and subsequent self-care treatment plan). The inner conflict is called cognitive dissonance, a term coined by psychologist Leon Festinger in 1957. It refers to the mental discomfort that occurs when our beliefs, attitudes, or behaviors are in conflict with one another.

Over the past six decades the concept of cognitive dissonance has gained wide-spread acceptance in the social science literature as a psychological experience that affects behavior and decision making. With advances in neuroimaging techniques, the role of specific brain structures in cognitive dissonance have also been identified. In studies that utilize functional MRI, areas of the frontal cortex, in particular the posterior part of the medial frontal cortex (pMFC) have been said to play a part in avoidance of aversive stimuli. Additional studies, some using EEG, have implicated other brain structures such as the insula and dorsolateral prefrontal cortex and the anterior cingulate cortex—areas of the brain that seem to be connected to problem solving and resolving dissonance. Cognitive dissonance is a natural response to incongruences between thought and behavior where we seek to reduce internal conflict through dissonance reduction to maintain internal harmony.

Dissonance reduction often involves selective exposure to information that will keep us from feeling bad about our beliefs and behaviors, or it might involve changing our attitudes and beliefs so that they “harmonize” better with what we actually do. Because we’re good at justifying our actions (and sometimes even our inactions), we also call this process “rationalization.” On a practical level, cognitive dissonance can affect important life decisions, like whether or not to quit smoking, as well as political decisions and voting behavior. It’s considered a well-established and powerful psychological phenomenon. To ease this discomfort, people often adopt strategies such as avoidance, justification, rationalization, or selective perception.

In my work with clients around cognitive dissonance, I help them gain deeper insights into thoughts, behaviors, and how emotion shows up in their bodies. I teach people about emotional intelligence and how to improve emotional self-awareness, triggers, and effective emotional expression. We also work to better perceive and understand emotions in others. This contributes to better interpersonal relationships, decision-making, and leadership effectiveness.

As Natalie navigates her cancer journey, she learns that to heal, she must prioritize her own well-being. Although she’s fully committed to doing whatever it takes to recover, some of the necessary actions clash with the way she’s lived her life up until that point. Despite following through with the needed changes, she remains conscious of the internal struggles she encounters along the way.

Now, on the recovery side of this journey, she is focused on sharing her experience. She wants to teach others about cognitive dissonance and how they, too, can overcome inner conflicts to prioritize what’s best for their health and their future lives.

Natalie Loeb

As discussed, we experience cognitive dissonance when there is a conflict between beliefs, attitudes, or behaviors. In considering our commitment to wellness, cognitive dissonance might arise as follows:

1. Desire for Wellness vs. Work Commitments: On one hand, you have a strong desire to attend a wellness retreat, which implies a belief in the importance of self-care and relaxation for your well-being. On the other hand, you have a busy work schedule that demands your time and attention.
2. Justification of Actions: To reduce cognitive dissonance, you might justify not attending the retreat by emphasizing the importance of work commitments and the potential negative consequences of taking time off. This justification helps to align your behavior (not going to the retreat) with your beliefs (work is important).
3. Discomfort and Resolution: However, this justification might not completely resolve the discomfort caused by the desire to go to the retreat. You might still feel conflicted about not being able to prioritize your wellness despite knowing its importance.
4. Seeking Balance: Resolving cognitive dissonance often involves finding a balance between conflicting beliefs or behaviors. In your case, it might mean finding ways to manage your work responsibilities more efficiently to carve out time for self-care, or considering alternative ways to achieve wellness goals that are more compatible with your current schedule.
5. Future Decision Making: Cognitive dissonance can also influence future decision making. It might prompt you to reevaluate your priorities or work-life balance, leading to adjustments in how you manage your time and commitments. For example, cognitive dissonance in the context of wanting to attend a wellness retreat despite being busy at work highlights the tension between self-care and professional obligations, and the psychological processes involved in resolving such conflicts. Mismatches between your beliefs and actions can lead to feelings of discomfort (and, sometimes, coping choices that have negative impacts), but such feelings can also sometimes lead to change and growth. What are your options to help? There are many, but YOU must find the strength, take control and make the choice. Take it now… what’s the worst that could happen? Waiting can mean never…and the cognitive dissonance percolating within will never wane…Create your own personal “at home” wellness retreat. Curate a program with items you enjoy. Give yourself permission to prioritize your mental, physical, emotional and spiritual wellness and schedule the time for what will enhance your wellness.  To inspire you, below is a short list of activities other leaders have told us contribute to their wellness journeys.

• Short daily breaks
• short walks
• people watching
• bird watching
• any type of physical activity that you enjoy
• reading
• any type of cultural activity that you enjoy
• massage
• pedicure
• manicure
• visit with a friend
• visit with a family member
• cook
• mentor someone

Reducing cognitive dissonance related to well-being involves aligning your beliefs and actions in ways that promote a sense of coherence and harmony. By incorporating these healthy activities into your routine, you can create a supportive environment that promotes well-being and reduces cognitive dissonance related to conflicting beliefs about self-care and other priorities in life.

Are you struggling?

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de Vries J, Byrne M, Kehoe E. Cognitive dissonance induction in everyday life: An fMRI study. Soc Neurosci. 2015;10(3):268-81. doi: 10.1080/17470919.2014.990990. Epub 2014 Dec 15. PMID: 25506752.

Izuma K, Matsumoto M, Murayama K, Samejima K, Sadato N, Matsumoto K. Neural correlates of cognitive dissonance and choice-induced preference change. Proc Natl Acad Sci U S A. 2010 Dec 21;107(51):22014-9. doi: 10.1073/pnas.1011879108. Epub 2010 Dec 6. PMID: 21135218; PMCID: PMC3009797.