Legal Professionalism and Well-Being: How a Lawyer’s Role Shapes Their Life

Eight years ago, I walked into a law firm conference room to talk to summer associates about lawyer well-being. I arrived early to set up, and when the associates came in, they quietly filled the back rows of the room. Throughout the presentation, no one made comments or asked questions.

After I finished the presentation, I reflected on this experience. To me, lawyer well-being was a normal and essential topic. To them, it felt precarious, maybe even risky, to engage. Twenty talented, ambitious law students were all competing for the same offers at a prestigious firm. They were trying to prove themselves, trying to stay ahead, and blending into the existing firm culture to secure their spot.

At the time, I wondered if I’d reached them at all. But two years later, one of those summer associates emailed me. This is when I realized the session itself was less important than the seeds it planted. This associate was now working as a young lawyer at the firm, struggling to manage the workload and find a balance between work and home. While he was excelling in his performance, he was starting to notice a disconnect between his personal and professional identities. That interaction became a turning point in my understanding of how lawyers’ identities evolve—and how critical it is to address these shifts at every stage of a legal career.

Early Career: The Law School Identity

That summer associate and I started working together over the next year.  One thing became clear early on: he had adopted a “work hard, keep your head down” identity in law school—that had for the most part, served him well and helped him excel academically. He graduated Magna Cum Laude, made Law Review, and secured a job at one of the most prestigious firms in the country.

But the traits that helped him succeed in school weren’t serving him well in the real world. He was overwhelmed by the volume of work and the pressure to impress his colleagues. Saying “no” felt impossible. When stressed, partners reminded him that one day he’d be trusted with these lucrative clients. In our initial conversations, he described feeling like a “shell” of the person he used to be. His sense of humor, his love of playing tennis, his curiosity about the world through books—all of it felt distant. Those who knew him well noticed his humor and energy fading, and that he wasn’t showing up for others the way he once had.

As we worked together, we started to uncover the identity he had left behind. He loved spending time with his wife and kids. He had been deeply involved in his fraternity’s leadership during college and valued taking the time to build relationships with others. He enjoyed making jokes and making people laugh. While these parts of him hadn’t disappeared, they were just buried beneath the pressures he was feeling in his job.

He thought making partner might help him reclaim his identity and this became the ultimate goal.  In his mind, becoming a partner at a prestigious firm would cement his success and provide more freedom. But, making partner was years away. As we talked about his goals, he began to see that the real work of reclaiming himself had to start long before any promotion and that it would need to start with small steps.

Mid-Career: Rediscovery and Realignment

While making partner might seem like the answer to rediscovering yourself early in your career, once lawyers reach mid-career, different challenges often present. Several years ago I worked with a successful corporate attorney who had achieved everything she’d ever wanted-—a great income, four kids, a beautiful home, and the respect of her colleagues. Yet, she felt stuck.

Her days were spent living in “task mode.” She was constantly traveling and missing important moments with her family, dealing with toxic colleagues, and overloading herself with firm-related extracurriculars. She had been living in auto-pilot, rarely stopping to think about what she truly needed or wanted.

As we peeled back the layers, she began to rediscover the parts of her that had been overshadowed by her career. She loved cooking and organizing, two activities that helped her reflect and set priorities. She also realized she needed to find joy outside of work. That’s when she took on the role of head of hospitality at her children’s school—a commitment that brought her happiness and reconnected her with her community. And she acknowledged that she had put work before friendships and that making time for these relationships was critical to her overall happiness.

At work, she became more assertive in asking for what she needed–she began advocating for herself, asking for origination credits she had rightfully earned but never requested. She also started saying no to firm extracurriculars that no longer felt meaningful and took away from time with her family. By making these changes, she realigned her professional life with her personal values. As she used her values to inform decisions, she wasn’t just surviving her career anymore—she was thriving.

Late Career: Preparing for What’s Next

As lawyers enter the later stages of their careers, many realize that being a lawyer is their only identity. Over the years, they’ve neglected other areas of their lives and as they are considering retirement, this can create a sense of fear. A lot of lawyers no longer want a corner office where they can come read the paper every day to connect to their past identity in retirement years. Others have seen colleagues that retired only to be diagnosed with a serious health condition that ended their life prematurely. And, there are those who retire without a plan and find themselves withering away because they didn’t do the work (or know how to do it) to develop a different identity outside of the practice of law.

Several years ago, I began working with a senior partner at a large firm. She was approaching retirement age and noticing that her role was starting to shift. Her practice was going well and she was financially secure, and while she had always worried about money, she found herself thinking more seriously about what might come next. Over time, she realized her concern wasn’t money—though that was the initial worry—but instead about identity.

For decades, her role as a lawyer had defined her. Now, she was grappling with questions like: “Who am I without this job? Will I still be relevant? How will I fill my time?”

As we worked together, she realized she had been laying the foundation for a new identity without even knowing it. She had creative interests she had long set aside, and she began reconnecting with them by attending workshops and pursuing personal projects. She also accepted an opportunity to serve on the board of a community organization, where she found energy in contributing to a cause she cared about. Along the way, she came across new ideas through books and conversations that helped her see that teaching others—whether it was showing a friend how to paint or mentoring young professionals—had always been a natural strength.

These experiences became a bridge to her future. What once felt like hobbies or side interests began to look like avenues for purpose, fulfillment, and even possible new roles after her legal career. By leaning into these opportunities, she shifted from dread to cautious optimism—starting to envision a future where her value wasn’t tied exclusively to being a lawyer.

Lessons on Identity and Well-Being

All of these stories reflect a common theme. Contrary to many individuals’ beliefs, a lawyer’s identity is not static. It evolves through the stages of one’s career and when that evolution is ignored, it can lead to burnout, dissatisfaction, fear, and a loss of self. But when approached intentionally, these transitions offer opportunities for growth and fulfillment.

Here are some tools and strategies I’ve found helpful in navigating these changes:

1. Clarify Your Values

One of the first steps in rediscovering your identity is identifying what truly matters to you. Ask yourself:

• When was the last time I felt fulfilled?
• What activities make me lose track of time?
• What were my favorite childhood hobbies?
• Who has had the biggest impact on my life, and why?

These reflections can help uncover the values and passions that should guide your decisions. And while we all acknowledge that the practice of law is demanding and can be unrelenting at times, it is possible and critical to integrate your values and what drives you if you take time to highlight what really matters to you.

2. Build Connections Outside of Work

Too often, lawyers only spend time with other lawyers. This is often driven by convenience and wanting to talk with others that understand your plight. But, this can be a detriment in that it leaves lawyers feeling siloed and alone. Maintaining friendships and relationships outside of law is essential for creating balance, being open to others’ experiences, and staying grounded. Finding a way to spend time with others doesn’t have to be complicated–it could be a monthly coffee, running once a week with others, or scheduling a monthly supper club meeting.

3. Foster Trust and Authenticity at Work

Working with difficult colleagues or in a toxic environment can wear you down over time. Building trust within your team and being authentic can make a significant difference in your well-being. While you can’t always control who you work with, you can control your reaction and how you show up. Limiting time with toxic colleagues (when possible) and mentoring others can be a fulfilling way of using your strengths to connect with others.

4. Mentor with Intention

Many lawyers often tell me that they don’t have time to mentor. It limits billable hours and sometimes, can be difficult to see the rewards. But, mentorship isn’t just about giving back—it’s also about your own personal growth. Guiding younger lawyers can reignite your passion for the profession and reinforce your sense of purpose. It can also serve as a much needed buffer to operating in urgent mode, living in fight-or-flight. Mentoring can start simple–a bi-weekly lunch, a regular 30-minute meeting each week, or sitting down to review a document together.

3. Rediscover Joy

Whether it’s writing, organizing, coaching a cheerleading squad, or golfing with friends, it’s important to make time for the activities that bring you joy. These are often the keys to reconnecting with your true self. And while it might not be possible to incorporate these activities every week depending on your work load, knowing what brings you joy and carving out some time to do these will buffer your overall stress and keep you connected to your true self.

Moving Forward

Being a successful lawyer is not just about professional success—it’s about navigating the complexities of identity and finding fulfillment along the way. From summer associates trying to prove themselves to senior partners contemplating retirement, each stage of a legal career offers opportunities to grow, realign, and thrive.

By embracing these changes and rediscovering the layers of their identities, lawyers can create careers—and lives—that reflect their authentic selves. For me, the joy of helping lawyers on this journey is what keeps me passionate about this work. Every lawyer has the potential to succeed, not just in their profession, but in all aspects of their life.